Professor Kelley’s Top 10 “Must Knows” about how to handle conflict?

1. Conflict is pure GOLD

Conflict is an opportunity TO GROW! It is your friend! It is a source of power! Conflict is not to be feared. Conflict is the release of stored energy between yourself, your partner, and the environment! Remember Ghandi’s concepts of Tapaysa (self-suffering), Ahimsa (non-injury)

2. Feelings Matter: Be Artful - use the tools of a Conflict Specialist:

COOCEOO – ABC’s of handling conflict

Be HOT – Honest Open Transparent

The Art of Saving Face for others - There but for the grace of God go you and I

3. Blame stays at home! -Accept Ownership and Responsiblity

We are almost always 51% or better to blame - Agency – Choice, Chance, Crisis

Use a mirror to reflect finger pointing. Then reflect with Satyagraha in mind (truth seeking).

4. Listen Deeply with your heart, intuition, and all of your senses

Liberate yourself from your own thinking - (Liem Le)

5. Confront Conflict Tirelessly

Conflict is natural! Avoiding conflict only gets you stuck in the mud! Better than can do-want do!

6. Use a Mantra - Stop Lights Work in Conflict!

Don’t react. Be outspoken with firmness, kindness, and patience, be very aware

7. Strategy always beats bitching! Know what you want and how to get it. Timing is important too!

Frames control outcomes

Respond anabolically – not catabolically to conflict

8. Systems reinforce themselves

Attitudes produce culture: Culture controls outcomes while hiding, but not very well

9. Reward Rule Breakers - Rules are meant to be broken

10. Pull Together or you will pull apart-

“You cannot put out darkness with darkness, you can only put out darkness with light.” MLKing

Seek understanding with compassion, FORGIVENESS, and love